Shiawase no Hibi(?!)

I seriously have no idea now. Damn. Dang. Wtf. I hate this feeling. Dang. Damn.

Nowadays, I seriously think there’s something going on, or atleast gonna go on between Jay and Crissel. Not that I care, but my heart does @.@ I dont know!? What the heck am I feeling? There’s like this jealously but then why? I don’t actually like (uh. not friendly like but love-like) her, but  still. I feel… Jealous? W.T.F.?

Each day I like see some testi saying stuffs about them, and what, my heart like gets heavy all of the sudden. And like I feel like fighting with Jay, though not really at all, yet still I do. @.@ I DONT GET ANYTHING I’M SAYING NOR DOING!!!! Honto ni Shiranai~!!!!

Like earlier today, I was teasing him about January. And he like completed the whole sentence, meaning? There’s that i’m-gathering-info-mode going on with him, or is this how everyone like, since I dont like memorizing B-days at all. (i dont even know exact date for my family’s bday -.-)  So like I teased him and eventually we both got (fake) angry at each other -.- And like I continued that after lunch, i like ignored him. Though I dont know why @.@ I didn’t want to and wanted to have the same fun afternoons, but then I still wanted to hate him because so. @.@ This way I’ll truly die >.<

And like. What a coincidence? Current tabs in Firefox-ko: DotaPortal.com|Portal to ultimate DotA All…. Friendster - -’JAY’-’s Photos  Friendster - Crissel  Shiawase no Hibi(?!) > Create New Po…

I like get a feeling somethings in connection here >.< Like how I use DotA to evade everything between the two people there, and how this blog is soooo right with the ?!s, happy days huh? >.< I dont even get what i’m saying now. I’m on the verge of insanity lolololol. Not really. LMFAO!

I dont know @.@ At this rate, what Lesava and I planned will most likely not continue because my heart liek soooo wierd. Dang. And because of this I dont think i’ll give out a link for this blogs to just anyone >.< DAAAAAAAAAAAANG. 

Rawrrawrrawr I smell jealousy. But what jealousy, if I dont actually like her? Or do I not? Ofcourse I dont. Because I haven’t known her well. Atleast what my brain said. But heart says nothing but beat badly when I see anything related to the two, especially when the two is like one. @.@ Uguu~!

Oh yeah, and like earlier today, I kinda said to Jay my thoughts (though not directly) I just said some cheesy stuff about how i still not hated him even though his actions hurt me, or something like that. But still. If that’s Jay’s Shiawase, and if I’m a real friend I should let it all go right? But. But. DANG I NEED A DOCTOR, I WILL TAKE OF MY HEART LIEK NAW! Too bad I’m only e-moe-inside, huh? If everyone knows, I’m liek dead right now. Oh the agony.

Like what I said teh other post, I should’nt let this happen like in Higurashi, like in the past. So what’s the right thing to do then? I don’t know. Heck, I remember Asumin’s route, i’m like Tomoe here. When Yusuke loves Asumin, where Tomoe is like loves Yusuke but unfortunately you know what. OH NOES TRIANGLES! And like, how Asumin and Tomoe got angry at each other in the end, Asumin saying how come you’re not saying how you really feel, i’m your beeest friend afterall, and Tomoe saying how she was her beeest friend and she couldn’t tell. THIS IS SOOO DARN CONFUSING. So since I’m taking Tomoe’s role, what the heck do I do?! Since Asumin got angry about me not telling, so should I say JAY SHE’S MINE (EVEN THOUGH I DONT REALLY THINK SO) or like leave things be and hurt myself..? MASS UGUU-AGE! @.@ @.@ @.@ Should I like, let Jay read this like what I did to Mod and the others, and to Gian in the future so they’ll know what I cant say out in the real life? Or not? What? What would be the reaction of Jay? I guess that’s what we support-bestfriend-roles always think, huh. Well actually I’m not in anyway Jay’s bestfriend, but I see him as one though. Changes anything? I dont know @.@ @.@

*smashes head to keyboard* DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG. I’m so WTF-mode. I dont get anything now. Can I get like a time machine and force myself to get injured during the time I was going to school in the morning of the interaction? Now lets see what would happen. No UBAR TRIANGLES!!!! No weird heart thumping. NO TOKEN, LETS SEE HOW CT LIVES WITHOUT ME, EAT THAT RANK 5 AND ABOVE PEOPLE WHO DOES NOTHING BUT LAZE AROUND WHILE THE LOWER RANKED, RANK 6 DOES EVERYTHING. No…fun? No moe mode? No lets-hate-jay-mode? -.- So what would I prefer? I DON’T KNOW. @.@ @.@ I am so like dont know anymore.

Oh, and I myself think its too late to do anything now. I mean, like not chat w your partner more than once, not text her or anything. Ignore her the whole 1 week, and now nearing 2 weeks. Like, I just saw something about gammy and 100php-candies stuff. I mean, that left an impact through like communicating which I didnt do, liek wtf stupid feelings, because of feelings, then my feelings actually destroyed feelings like Wtf?! I DONT KNOW111111111111111111  

Crap. I want to go e-moe-mode like everyone does. Meaning spread e-moe-mode like everywhere, profile, status. LIEK OH NOES1 -.- Now I know why they emo-mode and spread it. They like want everyone to hear and stuff. Rawr. Ah anyway. I’ll just laugh at this post when I’m 21 yrs old. Probably I’d give Jay and Crissel the link at that time too, and do a big LOL-party. Rawr! =.=

I like want to write excessively more repeating stuffs. My heart keeps thumping and being heavy, I want to like write more, but then like I dont want to waste space here, like this is already a waste of your time. But like my hand wants to write my feelings more. i DONT KNOWS! Darn.

Oh yeah, I had this imba plan the other day, where I like asked Jan, James, and Lina ALL a question, involving the events above. Like, I’d agree with Jan, and prolly a bit on Lina. But still, why did I ask Lina and James, lawl like they’re uber close to me as Jan is. I dont know 0.0 But I did one of those hidden question thing. Like I asked what would i do if i were to do my last testi ever for anyperson. Lina like said express true feelings and stuff. Jan said a lot of stuff. James said a lot of stuff that i just said. As usual. Oh wells. Wait. Express true feeling? HOW..? I dont even know what are they =.= Craps! I now remember General Ackbar saying ITS A TRAP1111 >.< So was all of that a TRAP!!11? Crap. Anyways, I was like suppose to make something special, i’m now doing special testimonials rather than boring text ones or copy-paste ones. Like creating my own graphics and stuff. I just did Jay that nyoron one, and finished Melvin’s date with Aubrey Miles pic as a testi. I was like making this so I could just make an excuse when I do Crissel’s 1337 flash one. But then. Now. I think i’m discouraged to do anymore =.= I dont know. Liek, i dont even know what to put. I dont even know what to say. I like, dont know anything now. I like need more people to consult on this. Like more not-wise-people-again like pratik and jan. But hey, atleast I got that shoulder to cry on when I need it rather than nothing huh? @.@ I dont know >.<

I certainly lost my music now huh? And to think the other day i said i was re-awaken, my old chatting-style which was playboy-ish (..it was?) well atleast it was really those fun days when i did 3-hour chatting and liek no boredom as I was leading the chattign >.< Which I like dropped the skill the year after that, and now when I thought i could do it, I did when I chatted with Thea the other night but then. Now. Now? Yesterday she was there. Busy. As usual. Jan said dont interupt when busy. So i like waited. And then. She has the status. OMG HAPPY STATUS!!! LIEK NOW IS THE TIME111 But no. I still didn’t..! I thought I was awake? Oh well, next time I said. And that next time was like now. But then i forgot they had this concert. I was sooooooo saying i should takl to her today. But liek, especially after everything i stated here now, i dont know if i still should.

Since I wanted to cure myself, I re-awakened and want to test my awakened state. So like what’s wrong? Well it’s because Jay is involved, hey what would happen if I finally knew my heart and say I like her for real? TRIANGLES OH NO! Even if Jay did let me say hi and stuff, what if in the end, that happens? So it’s like precaution huh? I dont think he’s the Asumin type anyway, especially since i’m not anyone close to him. I’m also thinking of creating another account and like send tips to him. But that’d be weird >.< But hey, it could work, i mean work that he’ll get what i’m thinking about. Hah. I’m miserable =.= I’m making their lives harder, huh. But then, I got both reasons why i cant do anything nor i cant do what i want to do. It’s because, in the end, my mind and heart are not united. They think separately. And it’s like two bodies in one shirt, you’ll just tear up yourself if you dont unite them and go the same way. And that’s like what’s happening now. Wow I amaze my logic >.< Now I just need to unite them but how? Thats the problem again, which the solution i think is to get to know crissel moar, so that i’ll know what i really feel, mind would know what heart feels. But then. Mind says that it’d be rude, since a friend i really like(uh closeness. funness. you get the point, no H-stuffs for now plz) is like liking her. or something. So in the end, either I do something, or they do something like tell me nothings really happening and I may like relax already. Dang it. Oh yeah, I sooooooo want to post this to DP’s UAA section, but too bad Melvin knows me already there. DANG IM AN IDioT! Create new and what? Craete suspicion that my 1st post is love lol? And what if melvin actually sees a relation between mysterious man and me? OMFG1111. I dont know!

I am the bone of my will

My mind is my body, my heart is my blood

I have been thinking over a thousand times

Not known to you

Nor known to anyone

Have withstood pain to help my closest ones

Yet, this hands will never recieve anything

And so, as I pray, UNLIMITED EMO-WORKS!

I’ll leave you that Unlimited Blade Works spin-off for now. Actually explains a bit of my feelings, eh? Hah. I Lost my Music, I really dont know my Honto no Kimochi, yet I always think about how my First Kiss would be. In the end, only God Knows. @.@ Italic-ed are my songs of the, liek eversince that fated day. Running over and over me @.@ Dang.